PENIS CUTLERY 24 piece cutlery set in virtually indestructible stainless steel. Forged in the traditional way for superior weight, feel and appearance. Delightfully gift-boxed in translucent rubber and wickerwork "Smashing!" _ Mrs Darkly copyright Darkly 2000		Darklys CAMUS PUFFS Wake up to the smell of existential philosophy! Crammed full of gallic goodness! Truly the thinking person's breakfast. Start your kids off on them early. Why give them sunshine breakfasts when they could be learning to depend on themselves in a godless world, with infinite potentialities for self-development! (contains FREE snouts) WARNING: contains loads of old Gaulois stubs. "The Kids'll Luv 'Em!" _ Darkly copyright Darkly 2000

MONOTONY

Keep the kids occupied with hours of unending tedium. See them battling to become ruthless little proto-capitalists. Watch their capacity for meaness grow. This educational toy will teach them that to be a winner you must grind even your loved-ones faces in the dirt. No quarter given. Fun for all the family. Ideologically unsound entertainment for all!

"Watch them weep!" _ Darkly

PRESENTLY UNAVAILABLE copyright Darkly 2000

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	THE NO SPITTING SAMPLER This beautiful handstitched sampler makes the perfect gift. Bring that touch of olde worlde charm and warmth into your home. Ideal for the young couple starting out, or newly-weds setting up home together for the first time. "I keep mine above the bed!" _ Darkly PRESENTLY UNAVAILABLE copyright Darkly 2000

	Weird Towels A superb range of big bright fluffy beach cum bath towels. Great for kids of all ages. With designs inspired by the cult magazine Weird Tales which ran from the 1920's to the early 50's featuring fabulous covers by Margaret Brundage among others. To see some samples of how the towels might look using the original artwork please click on the image. ALL OFFERS CONSIDERED - CONTACT DARKLY BELOW PRESENTLY UNAVAILABLE copyright darkly 1996		UK World Tour This fabulously useful map shows you all the places you can visit without actually leaving the country. So, for example, you could say you'd just been to Moscow or Dallas or New Zealand or Egypt for the weekend, when in fact you'd only travelled a few miles! For a larger image please click on the map. ALL OFFERS CONSIDERED - CONTACT DARKLY BELOW copyright darkly 1989

	MANPONS This product is essential for men who may be experiencing the monthly MANstrual cycle, or for those older men battling with the horrendous MANopause. It comes in the form of a small towel available from pubs, pharmacists and tobacconists. Don't suffer in silence - The Solution is Here! PRESENTLY UNAVAILABLE copyright Pete Day 2000		REMORSE Nuff said!

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